


Thursday Again

by Lunabell_Marauder_Knyte



Series: Thursday Series [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-04
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 15:23:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunabell_Marauder_Knyte/pseuds/Lunabell_Marauder_Knyte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Gabriel and I, Sherlock Holmes, am your guardian angel. I can turn back the clock and give you a second chance to make things right with your husband, BUT, there is a catch. If I turn back the clock, this time around it'll be John who has lost interest in you. So which is it? Live without a John who died loving you? Or with one alive but who doesn't love you? I'd say choose wisely, but when do idiots in love ever do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Tick tock goes the clock, the good doctor is dead._

_Tick tock goes the clock, cold and empty now is your bed._

_Tick tock goes the clock, you wish to make things right._

_Tick tock goes the clock, you want to bring back the light._

_Tick tock goes the clock, a deal will have to be made._

_Tick tock goes the clock, is your sanity something you're willing to trade?_

Chapter one: Breathing Slowly

* * *

The alarm in John's mobile goes off and I reach over his place to get it. John's mobile is always on the bedside table of his side. It was set for five in the morning. It was the time John would wake up in order to have time to get ready and leave the flat so he and I wouldn't have to be together in waking moments.

Thoughts like those are sometimes random, sometimes on purpose, but always cause a massive pain in my chest. I haven't changed anything in John's phone, not even the alarm. I wake up when he did. When I place the mobile back down gently I turn to the picture that's on my bedside table and smile.

"Good morning John. I hope you had a pleasant night. Mine was...the same. I miss you. I miss you so much."

Today is Thursday so today is one of the days in which I actually leave the flat. I go and complete my morning routine which includes a shower. Like I have done so in the past year of his absence I use his shampoo, his body wash, and his after shave. I spray his cologne on my coat and scarf and relish in the smell every moment it lingers.

A while ago I hacked into the CCTV videos and tracked down anything I could find of John. Mycroft warned me against it but like always I ignore him. There wasn't much because Mycroft deleted most of it but there was one video footage that I managed to get my hands on.

Normally John would wonder around London until 8:30am and then catch a cab to work which starts at 9. On Thursday's however John would have a routine. He would walk through the park, it starting at 5:10am when he's gotten ready. The ache comes back when my mind tells me John became quick to avoid me. There would be a small duck pond and he would go feed the ducklings every morning.

After the ducks he would continue his walk and visit different locations. There was no markers or names or anything, but John visited those places and leave a single hand picked flower he obtained on the way there. From the small smile on his face and relaxed posture it seemed like a promise he and some friends from his childhood had made.

The fact that John still did it to this day and left a flower said something. Those friends were now dead. And now John was too. There was no one left to take them flowers. So I made it my responsibility to do so.

Maybe it was a bit childish but I copied John's idea and after I placed picked flowers on the third tree in the park, the stone water fountain, and the bird feeder someone made themselves years and years ago, I would go to places that used to mean something to us. It took a lot to remember but I did. Angelo's, Tesco's, the little Chinese place we'd visit on Friday's, the cinema John dragged me to they were showing some of the James Bond movies for an event. That date turned out successful that we went plenty of more times...but I can't remember why. I curse in every language I know for my stupidity.

My impatience gets the better of me. I've been gone too long and return to 221B quickly. This is when the other part of my routine returns.

I go into the kitchen and take out John's most used cup. I places it with utmost care on the counter as I wait for the kettle to whistle. I make myself some Earl Tea and then go drink it while sitting in John's chair.

I look through the scrapbook Mrs. Hudson gave me. It holds pictures of John. Some from when we first met, some articles of when we were solving crimes together. A few of our 'wedding'. They were mixed with some she had somehow obtained from him and his family. I didn't know she knew them, but here was the evidence in this book. Photos of him far younger then when we met. Of him on Christmas opening a present. Of him in school with his friends. Of his prom...I admit some hatred rose inside of me when I saw my John in a nice suit with a girl in a white dress. It seemed like they were going to their wedding, not a dance. But it passed when I see a picture of us in a very rare moment that Mrs. Hudson took of us on the couch, asleep, in each others arms.

Once my Earl Gray is finished I look at the clock and see that it's 10 in the morning. I hug my knees to my chest and go into my mind palace. I walk down the now familiar path and go down a long hallway until I come up to a door oh so the same as the actual one. I turn the knob of the 221B door replica of my mind palace and smile when I see John reading the paper in his chair.

"I'm home," I announce.

He looked over his paper and smiles at me,  _"Hello love. How was the case?"_

"Boring, as usual. They're all useless down there at the yard," I say with a pout that only he sees. He rises and we meet up and kiss. His image flickers for a second but in a blink he's the perfect John Hamish Watson I saw in a picture. The same clothes too. The well worn jeans that were beginning to fade, that ridiculous tan jumper, and his black shoes he left behind in the closet.

" _Sherlock?_ " my John asks with concern. I smile and kiss him once more. And again for that second it takes to blink his image flickers and in his place it's the blonde male couple I found when I googled 'kissing'. I needed this piece of information to complete this replica. This time there would be more romance, more love. But I had no memory of us intimate so I had to recreate and I did a find job but sometimes...it wasn't enough and I'd need more information.

" _Are you okay?"_ he asks again. My John can't be too different from the original. I  _love_  (present tense)the original. The original would have been skeptical and worried about such actions of affection.

"I am. I...I just miss you," I reply and he smiles. My mind reminds me that he is a figment of my imagination and I curse at my mind in all the languages I know. But I am thankful for my imagination. It's brought John back to me and I can feel him and talk with him. And if he let the tenses pass him by then so be it. Because I really do miss him. I want to believe that when we're alone I can be allowed to act like this. The humanity I never showed him. So he smiles and we kiss once more, again the image flickers because it's not perfect because it's not actually John, and he goes to make us tea.

The taste of Earl Gray is still on my actual tongue so it makes the happenings in my mind the more real. I ask him the questions I know the answer to, so my John answers. Unfortunately one of my answers somehow relates to Surgery and I don't know enough about it.

The entire room flickers and I am once more in 221B. The real one. My breath comes out unevenly and then in a shudder. I look around and hate the place. It's too dark. It's too quiet. It's too lonely. But it's John's home. The only reason I returned was because this place, the memories, the objects, the sounds, the smells...they could help me recreate John in my mind. The only place where he can be alive.

I have almost all of the information I need to keep me in my mind palace with a somewhat living John who responds to me, but there are those few moments in which I don't have all the data. And in that small moment the fantasy shatters and I am forced back into the reality.

I take a deep calming breath and close my eyes. Reinventing everything. John's strong body from his army days, his fades blue jeans, my favorite of his jumpers, the tan one, the three different shades of blue that make up John's iris, the dark sandy blonde hair that has those few graying hairs. His replica has far fewer than the real one but that was my own selfish wish. The idea of John getting older means he was getting closer to death...to leaving me. That was unacceptable.

As I reopened my eyes I'm once more in 221B but it's brighter, it's cleaner, it's noisier. I look around frantically and call out, "John!"

There are loud footsteps as my John comes running towards me, panicked, " _What? What's wrong?"_

"I...I didn't know where you were...I panicked..." I answer and hug him as tight as possible. He hugs me back awkwardly and pats my back.

He replies with,  _"You went to your mind palace to mull some things over for the new case Lestrade texted you. I just went upstairs to shower and get ready for bed."_

I nod. That was plausible. I'm sure it's happened before.

"Let's go to bed," I say.

" _What about the case?"_ he asks.

"It can wait," I smile as I follow him to  _our_  bedroom. Some nights in the real world I will have a wet dream of us together and even though it's great and feels amazing it saddens me because it can never be as good as the real thing and once more, I can't remember.

In my mind palace however it's nothing sexual. He lies on his side and I in mine. He turns his back to me and I face him and we spoon. I intertwine our fingers and he turns back and smiles at me. We kiss goodnight and he drifts off to sleep. I watch him and I am still wearing my coat and scarf in the real world so his scent is very strong. I watch and feel as his chest rises and falls with each breath.

"Well isn't this just pathetic?"

I jump away from the bed and stare at the figure in my room. There is brunette man standing in my mind palace. He's wearing jeans and a dark brown coat. I've never seen him before. He shouldn't be there.

"Who are you?" I demand.

He makes a face and then sneers at me and John who is still asleep because of my will power. He then smirks and snaps his fingers.

I am no longer in my mind palace but in John's chair in the reality I loath.

"That's better...oh wait. It's not for you is it? Not with Johnny boy dead and all," the stranger says and I curse for flinching.

"What are you?" I ask this time.

"Oh, very good. Always so smart. I think all my wards are like that. I think Cassy boy got the brave ones while I got the smart ones. He having Dean, Harry, and of course John. While I get Sammy-whammy, that Hermione, and you...then again he  _did_  get Tony Stark, but he has some  _serious_  daddy issues...and a drinking problem. But then  _again_  I do have Draco Malfoy. Now  _that's_  a serious case of daddy problems."

I say nothing as he rants on.

He shrugs his shoulders and rolls his eyes, "I'm an angel smart ass. You know, of the lord? High up in heaven...all that jazz."

"There's no such thing," I reply quickly.

"Really? Well that's a shame. And to think I came all this way to offer you a second chance," he said obviously baiting me. In my weakened state I fall for it.

"A second chance?" I echoed.

He brightens up and it sickens me that he reminds me of Moriarty. It sickens me even more that I can still remember that bastards face and not John's smile.

"To have Johnny boy back of course!"

"That's...that's not possible. John's dead. And this is cruel," I tell him.

"Uh, hello? Angel here? Your rules of physics don't apply to me," the angel said.

I stay silence for a moment and let it sit in my mind for a while, "How?"

He rolls his eyes again and says, "I'm Gabriel. An archangel. I have the power to bring back the dead if I so choose."

My throat is dry as my mind runs that over. John back alive...with him.

"But I can do you one better," he says and I look at him, "I can place you back in time. Give you ten years back. Put you just were the separation started. You can have the option to fix things between you and your husband."

Without thinking or analyzing I shout out, "YES!"

He smirks and raises his hand, " _But_! There  _is_  a catch."

"What?" I asked, "If I have to sign my soul I will!"

He laughs, "I'm an angel not a demon, geeze pick up a nonscientific book once in a while."

"Then what's the catch?" I asked.

His smirk is lethal and almost makes me shutter, "You see...Johnny boy died loving you. If I turn back the clock I think it's only fair to him if I make it so he gets some retribution. If you so choose my offer of a second chance, this time around it'll be  _John_  who has lost interest in  _you_. John will be alive once more, but he will not love you. So which is it going to be? Continue to live without a John who loved you even though you didn't deserve it? Or have a living John who will not love you? I'd say choose wisely but when do romantic idiots use their upstairs brain for decisions like these?"


	2. The Law of Equivalent Exchange

_**Then...** _

" _Then what's the catch?" I asked._

_His smirk is lethal and almost makes me shutter, "You see...Johnny boy died loving you. If I turn back the clock I think it's only fair to him if I make it so he gets some retribution. If you so choose my offer of a second chance, this time around it'll be_ John _who has lost interest in_ you _. John will be alive once more, but he will not love you. So which is it going to be? Continue to live without a John who loved you even though you didn't deserve it? Or have a living John who will not love you? I'd say choose wisely but when do romantic idiots use their upstairs brain for decisions like these?"_

* * *

_**...Now** _

So many thoughts go through my mind as I stare at the man, the angel, in front of me. An angel, an actual angel. A supernatural entity that I previously thought to be impossible. Had I been a lesser mental man I would have considered this a trick, an illusion, the results of my depression and anxiety of losing John.

However once you remove the impossible, whatever remains no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

What is that truth?

I have never seen this man before. Ever. Even when I erase someone from my hard drive, if I pass them again on the street there is this small nagging feeling tugging ever so slightly at my mind. It lets me know that I've seen them before, but they have been unimportant...Like I thought John's affections were.

But I don't get those feeling from this man. I truly have never seen him before. Also, no one has ever been able to retrieve me from my mind palace until I am ready to leave it. Or until my limited data forces me to leave to obtain more. This...creature, had not only entered my mind palace without permission, but had forced me to leave.

This was real. He was real. His... _opportunity_ , was real.

As I continue to stare at this creature and analyze his words in my mind, so many things came up. A majority had been about John. The promises I made to John's corpse as I begged him not to be dead, like he once wished of me. The little words of love and affection I wished John would have heard me say before...leaving me. Then there were more scientific notions that I had to try to place in this situation. This was so outside of my comfort zone, I needed  _some_  science!

"Really? Geeze I didn't think it'll be this hard to convince you seeing the extent you've gone to recreate John. Though what you've done is less creepy than what others have done. Hmm...what can I say to move this along? Oh! What about the Law of Equivalent Exchange? That's what I'm applying here," Gabriel said.

"The Law of Equivalent Exchange?" I echoed.

" _Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first Law of Equivalent Exchange."_ Gabriel recited.

"What?" I asked.

"Alchemy. Science and magic, I thought it'd be appropriate given the situation. Me being mythical and you being scientific. Perfect law. Or ideal? Eh, the point is you can't get something without giving something. That's how demons work actually. They give you the sweetest of candy...in exchange for your immortal soul of course." Gabriel explained.

"But you said you weren't a demon. That I wouldn't have to sell my soul," I said.

"And you don't have to. I'm your angel, I can hear your thoughts. You, smart ass, want a reason. Something to explain everything because everything has to make sense. Right? But you can't see it. You ask yourself, Why did I do that? Why is John dead? Why am I hurting? Why did I need him? Why? Why? Why?" Gabriel as in a somewhat sarcastic voice.

Even though it was probably a rhetorical I answered anyway, " _Is_  there a reason?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes and smirked at me, "I don't have to tell you the reasons to those questions which you already have the answer to. But if I must. You're a man of the mind. You see your body as transport and rarely nothing else. Eating, sleeping, sex, how annoying. It wasn't until Johnny boy came along that you cared about physical interaction. Then BAM! It was too late to see what had happened. You, Sherlock Holmes, the cold hearted, arrogant, self absorbed, volatile, self proclaimed sociopath...was in love. You  _needed_  another person. And that didn't sit well with your mind. No, your mind didn't like it one bit. So what did you do? You neglected, you deleted, you strayed, you-"

"ENOUGH!" I barked. I had hard enough time thinking those things on my own. It might have been a year but I wasn't anywhere near ready to hear them from someone else.

Gabriel just continued to smirk, "Okay...so are you going to take the deal or what?"

"...You said that the Law of Equivalent Exchange is at work here. What do you get?" I asked.

"I said it was like that, not that it actually was like that. And are you really going to question the person who will bring back your John?" he asked.

"No one...not even an angel does things for free. There has to be a reason...there has to be," I insisted. I may not be religious and find all sorts of mythology a waste of time but I did understand humanity. Maybe not emotionally but the rest of humanity. There was a reason for everything. Hatred, jealousy, revenge, spite, dedicated, a promise, nightmares, dreams...they all inspired and were the reasons behind every action!

"I'm bored," Gabriel simply stated.

"What?" I asked, confused.

He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes again, "Like I've said before, I can hear your thoughts. And I suppose when you put it like that, you're right. The reason I'm doing this? I'm bored. And I  _know_...this will be entertaining. But let me elaborate on something, I didn't choose you. Don't you see this is all just an accident. You actually thought you were chosen because you're so smart or something? Don't be so vain. I have a lot of wards to watch over, any one of them could provide the entertainment that I'm lacking. Any of their lives could use a mythical force to help them out because there are other people on the planet that hurt just as much as you are right now. You aren't the only child I watch over. I just don't take my duties as seriously as some of my brothers and sisters. The fact that it just so happened to be you who I happen to choose to interact with is nothing but pure chance, and that's all there is to it. I, was bored. I thought this guardian angel thing could be fun if done right."

"Boredom? That's it?" I asked incredulously.

I've been on a lot of cases that involved religion based beliefs. That's where I knew the most of it from. All those criminals acting on the name of God, the victims praying for their loved one, etc, there was always a higher reason. A reason that was...more! More than just boredom!

"Oh come  _on_!  _You_  of all people should understand!" Gabriel exclaimed and then sighed, "Leave it to  _you_  to prove the primal human denial and stupidity. Humans...you all think the same way in the end. Always thinking there is something more. Some  _amazing_  answer that lives up to the expectations of being above human..." Gabriel sighed again, "Though I suppose I should cut you some slack since you didn't care for anything other worldly.

"My father made you in his image. We, angels, are  _also_  his children. We're almost too similar that it's almost disgusting. But hey! That's how the cookie crumbles. We're just more powerful and more all knowing and frankly better looking and of course less complaining, but have no free will. But other than that...it's like looking into a mirror for you and me." he finished with another smirk, this one sarcastic.

"So...all you'll be getting is, what? Entertainment?" I asked just as incredulously as before.

"Pretty much," Gabriel shrugged. "Look. Right now you're still a bit doubtful. When you see Johnny boy living and breathing once more, everything will change. I think it'll be hilarious to see. Also...given the guidelines, I'm curious to see just how far you're willing to go for another human. If you really want a higher more moral sounding reason, think of it as me looking for some hope for humanity. That even Sherlock Holmes, the cold-hearted loner, would go far and beyond for someones else. You know, restore some faith in me for you pathetic evolved monkeys."

"What guidelines?" I asked.

"Alright alright. I can see that we're not going anywhere unless I give you some stable ground to stand under. So...rules. There will be rules. Rules are organization...you like that. Okay, right now John is dead. This is what we'll call the original time-line with the events that happened here. The neglect, the separation, the things you'll want to change. And this dead John, we'll call the original John so we don't confuse things." he said and I probably looked confused.

"When I send you back this time-line will still exist. What we're trying to do is make it so it never does. So the new time-line, which you're being sent back to in an attempt to fix things with John, will create a new time-line. One where hopefully you'll be that sickly sweet couple everyone wishes they'd be instead of the miserable thing they've become. Kind of like your relationship in this time-line. With me so far?" I nod and try my best not to snap at him at every verbal attack he makes at me and John's failed relationship.

"Good. Like I said before, in the new time-line, it'll be Johnny boy who has lost interest in you. That's the challenge you'll have to over come and what will be entertaining for me to see. But like I said, the original time-line will exist alongside with the new time-line. Now here's the entertaining part. The new time-line isn't necessarily allowed to exist next to the original one. Because really they're parallel. As an archangel I have the power to...sort of mix them together...well, really it's more like overlaying the new one over the original. But this is where you come in. In this new parallel reality you'll more or less repeat what happened in the original time-line. Your actions will be a defining factor. If things turn to be too much the same like the first time...the original time-line will continue to be as concrete solid as ever. Should you change that event, no matter how small, it'll give the new time-line more substance. With enough events the new time-line will be the more defined reality and that is the one you'll have in the end. Now, seeing as emotions aren't your forte, need I remind you that your actions in these events need to concentrate on Johnny boy? Or does that speak for itself? Just make sure you hold his hand more, look at him instead of something else, compliment his odd cuddly sweaters,  _listen_ to him...get very domestic and things will be fine..." Gabriel said smiling sweetly, too sweetly.

Almost evil. I didn't need my deducing skills to know that there was still a lot more this being wasn't telling me. Still, hearing everything he said...it was so promising. But could my hurting and broken heart handle being placed in front of a living John who didn't love me?

I turn away from the angel, not caring what he thought of me and my weakness. I turn to John's picture and pick up. I gently caress the image.

" _What should I do John?"_ I asked mentally.

"Here you have no choice but to continue," Gabriel said strangely quiet. "continue with your life knowing Johnny boy is dead. Knowing it was your fault he went to an early grave. Knowing that more people hate you and they have a reason to. Continue knowing there is nothing you can do."

"If you accept my deal...I'll send you to a place where you can at least  _try_. Where you'll have a chance. Sure he may not love you at first, but you have the  _chance_  to change that. Somehow...you got him to love you once. You can have the chance to do it again...if you accept."

"I...I want John back. I need to make things right...I need him to know I love him," I whisper as I clutch John's picture to my chest and shut my eyes tight.

"So do you accept?" Gabriel prompted.

"Yes...I accept," I whispered and didn't see Gabriel's feral smirk.

"Good luck Sherlock Holmes. I hope...I hope you get everything you deserve."

Darkness engulfs me and I have the sensation of being thrown into a freezing pool but at the same time it's not water that I'm in. I gasp as I sit up straight.

I'm in my bed in 221B, but...it's different. This isn't my mind palace but it's more lively than the room I had been seconds ago. I feel the bed move and hear the small breaths the body next to me gives in their sleep.

Then my eyes widen and tears form. It's dark outside, there is a drip drip drip coming from outside but it's not raining. The early birds are singing though, the way birds sing after a storm. They sing because the chaos is gone, the darkness is leaving, and soon the sun will come out. It will come with a new day, a new promise, and a brighter outcome.

John! My eyes are blurred by my tears as I see him in front of me. Alive. Breathing. Actually just sleeping and not dead! His hair is blonder, his skin tanner, his face smoother and younger!

My hands ghost above him, afraid that if I touch him he'll disappear. Slowly I touch him and I nearly breakdown into hysterical tears with relief. He's alive, he's real, I can touch him, and he's warm. I comb my fingers through his hair and he leans into my touch.

I continue with my caresses in his sleep and he seems to respond to them positively. I wouldn't help it, I needed to hear him.

"John..." I called out softly.

"Hmm..." he replies sleepily, still not awake. But it was enough. My heart soared with happiness. I continue my caresses until it begins to brighten outside.

I bit my lip and I just couldn't help myself anymore. I lean down to kiss him and it's sweeter than any drug. Then my hopes drop substantially.

"Mmmm...Mary," John whispered contently.

"Well...I did say there were going to be obstacles." I didn't turn from staring at John with huge widened and hurt eyes to know Gabriel was there with that infuriating smirk of his.


End file.
